Handle Me With Care

I started writing a blog entry last night.  Here’s what it was…

Titled, “Strange Night”…I just strokjlled in at 3:30, which is totaaslly out of the ordinasry. As I sit here, sucsking on my cigarette, totsally tanked from my “jolly rancher” shot, I’m thinking that it’s probabbly a gopod thing that I don’t make this kind of thing a habit.

I really have no idea what I was trying to write about last night and/or why, at 3:30AM, I suddenly found the night’s events strange. I do know that I woke up spread eagle in my bed, reeking of gin, and my throat feeling like I swallowed a scimitar.

This, kids, is why I’m no longer a bar hopping babe. And frankly, it amazes me that I used to do this on a weekly basis in my 20’s.

I will say that my best friend popping into town unannounced was a great surprise. The second I walked into the bar I was handed a Jack Daniels and ginger ale (my signature drink in college), put into a headlock, and reconfirmed why my friends are my friends.

We have an upcoming Bad Girls Weekend and by the time I consumed one JD, I was insisting that we not only allow my friend’s new husband to attend, but also everyone AT the bar.

A few observations that I can vaguely recall:

• We recalled times when we made fun of “old” drunk people in bars, decided that life is pretty much one big payback, and considered chalking our ID’s. Sadly, no one had a red pencil handy.
• I no longer found it amusing that the bartender was drunk and over pouring my drinks.
• It’s no longer funny or cool to stumble down a public sidewalk yelling, “I LOVE THIS TOWN!
• When the DJ plays “retro” music it might be a sign that you’re old if you actually remember when the song was first released. And an even worse indicator if you can identify the song from the Pretty Woman soundtrack. If the same DJ plays Traveling Wilburrys, don’t glare at the 20 year old next to you when she says, “Why the fuck are the playing all this old people music?”
• My friend’s new husband, now my prototype man, proudly yelled, “Jesus Christ! All these young girls dress like strippers now. Where were they when I was 22?” Then turning to his new wife, “I’m just saying, stripper girls would have been great 10 year ago. Hey! There’s another stripper!”