Driving home from work today I had another moment where I felt like, Man, I wanna go home or get the hell out of here somehow. It’s kind of weird, after living almost three hours away from your birthplace for the majority of your adult life, having this urge to go back, pop up again and again. I know the reality of my hometown would probably bore the living crap out of me, but for some reason, the past year it’s been calling me back, which is kind of weird for a girl who purposely moved away.
I feel so clueless right now. I know it will pass and within a few days I’ll be back to being a know-it-all. Right now, with the hormones pumping (and shut the hell up, men/women who think PMS isn’t a legitimate form of psychosis) and a glass of wine (despite knowing that wine and hormones never mix well), I feel like the only answer is getting out of here (WNY). I’m just so scared to leave. I came out this way for college when I was 18 and I’ve lived here permanently since I was 23. I’m such a creature of f’in bad habits.
There are times, like now, when I stop and think, holy crap, I’m NOT 23 anymore?! This little search for self is no longer as cool as it used to be…Kind of like the serial dating…
And f–k you, windows media player, for shuffling Pete Yorn’s “Come Back Home” as I finish typing this.
Wait. I love you media player, but why must you mess with my head? You start this entry with The Who’s Athena, try to end it with going back home until I hit fast forward and you bring me to The Roches,“Quitting Time.” (I don’t even like that song, sucker.) And now you must taunt me with “Angry Anymore” the day after Father’s Day? That’s just cruel. Oh, but I know you love me too when your token of peace is Jimmy Buffet’s “Overkill,” which kindly leads me to “Cultural Infidel” and “School Boy Heart.” I wonder if it’s okay for a girl to identify with a school boy heart…?
Thank you. I needed that reminder, media player.
I suppose
The need to focus never arose
So something like a swiss army knife
That’s my life
(edit) Why must you annoy me with these life leasons, media player? I supply you with a variety of tunes, yet you subject me to Rickie Lee Jones’ “Cycles” right now? What’s WRONG with you?
So I’m down and so I’m out
So are many others
So I feel like tryin’
To hide my head
‘Neath these covers
Life is like the seasons
After winter comes the spring
So I’ll ?? and stay awhile
And see what tomorrow brings
I’ve been told and I believe
That life is meant for livin’
Even when my chips are low
There’s still some left for givin’
I’ve been many places
Maybe not as far as you
So I think I’ll stay awhile
And see if some dreams come true
There isn’t much that I have learned
Through all my foolish years
Except that life just run in cycles
First there’s laughter, then those tears
But I’ll keep my head up high
Although I’m kind of tired
Oh my boy just up and left last week
Friday I got fired
You know it’s almost funny
Things can’t get worse than now
But I’ll keep on tryin’ to sing
But please, just don’t ask me how
You Said It